My life

Lonely feelings.

That unfamiliar feeling. That familiar but unfamiliar feeling. That normal but abnormal feeling.

That non genetic, unwanted, unnatural, but human, “natural” feeling. That feeling that shouldn’t be there, but is there.

They call it loneliness, it must be loneliness. That dead, old, feeling that occasionally pops out, after you’ve being enlightened at the full revelation of who you really are.

That feeling that comes after you’ve experienced that divine encounter, that beautiful exchange, that light and have now come to realised the depth of your existence, the outstanding beauty of your being,  the unlimited possibilities that are there for you, the unmeasurable, crazy love that the King has for you.

But then…

That detestable feeling, that familiar but unfamiliar feeling that appears when you least expect it.

It is that feeling when you temporarily want to fit in, though your inner self fully knows that you were born to stand out, and not fit in.

That period of loneliness when you feel that you have enough but don’t have enough.

When you feel that something is lacking, and yet know that you have more than what an “enough” person has.

That lovely state of mind when your inner self takes over, when you look at the mirror, and see the future, the next generation. When you look at yourself and realise that your life is not your own. When you become aware that, that lonely feeling, that natural but unnatural detestable feeling is only temporary.

A valley to prepare you, for that future you talk about. In that future where you can’t be slave to your emotions but slave to your purpose. That future when you’d have to walk straight and not become unfocused because of lonely feelings.

That bright future when God is still your portion, and leading you…